i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You need Xanax blowdarts
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
