so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
