We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
And then he peed in my hair
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