how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
