Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Randomize
