At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
