why didn't you poke me back
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
