Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Randomize
