We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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