party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
