Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
