where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize