My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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