My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
