it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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