i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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