don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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