her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
