Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
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It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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