im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Couch. On fire.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
