batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
