Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
