I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
