your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
