I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I wish life had little blips of pornography
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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