i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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