I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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