you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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