I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Congratulations! We have a period
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
