Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
