about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
