I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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