There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
