I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
