You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
