I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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