She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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