I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
