i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
how does that bad decision feel?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
