Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
