no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
