This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
