I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
