Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I'm chasing vodka with french fries.

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(813): View more from Florida

he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach

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(703): View more from Virginia

I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space

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(630): View more from Illinois

True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen

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(937): View more from Ohio

This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.

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(443): View more from Maryland

Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?

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(303): View more from Colorado

high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.

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(512): View more from Texas

There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.

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(613): View more from Ontario

I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet

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