Rock
Scissors
Fuck
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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