my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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