if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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