So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
