I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
