THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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