you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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