I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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