what if every blade of grass was a penis?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
