What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
