I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
