If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
