I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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