She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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