Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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