I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
