Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just want nice things and good sex
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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