i just wanna soil my oats bro
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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