I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
