I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
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Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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