I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
