Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
