Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
