i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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