To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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