a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
