My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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