She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
