His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
