my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
