My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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