kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
