I got chris browned last night
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
